I Love You, Stinky Face (2023)

Mama said, "I love you, my wonderful child."
But, I had a question.
Mama, what if I were a big, scary ape?
Would you still love me then?

"If I were a big scary ape,
I would make your birthday cake
Out of bananas, and I would tell you,
I love you, my big scary ape."

But, Mama,
What if I were a super smelly skunk,
And I smelled so bad
That my name was stinky face?

"Then I'd plunk you in a bubble bath!
But if you still smelled stinky,
I wouldn't mind.
I'd whisper in your ear, I love you, Stinky Face."

But, Mama,
But, Mama,
What if I were an alligator
With big, sharp teeth?

"I'd buy you a bigger toothbrush!
And if your throat hurt,
I'd look inside your huge mouth.
I'd tell you, I love you, my dangerous alligator."

But, Mama,
What if I were a
terrible,
meat eating dinosaur?

"Then I'd make you
A mountain of hamburgers to eat.
I'd say, I love you,
my sweet, terrible dinosaur!"

But, Mama,
But, Mama,
What if I were a swamp creature
With slimy, smelly seaweed hanging from my body?

"Then, I would live by the swamp
And take care of you always.
I'd tell you,
I love you, my slimy swamp monster!"

But, Mama,
Mama,
What if I were a green alien from Mars,
And I ate bugs instead of peanut butter?

"Then I would fill your lunch with spiders and ants
And the tastiest bugs you ever had!
Then I'd pack a note with all the bugs that said,
'I love you, Little Greenie. Bon Appetite! Love, Mom'."

But, Mama,
But, Mama,
What if I were a
one eyed monster?

"Then I would look right inside
your one eye and say:
I love you.
And I would sing to you
Until your one droopy eyelid finally closed
And you fell fast asleep.

I love you, Mama.

"And I love you, my wonderful child."